Owning up

I have something to confess. This blog thing is very difficult for me. In some ways it feels like a popularity contest, like trying to wrest a spot in the "cool" group. I was never very good at that sort of thing. I'm not gorgeous, thin, hilarious, witty or fashionable. I'm simply me.
I'm a mom. I think the boy in this picture is one of the most handsome boys on this planet. I'm a sister. Sometimes I'm not very good at it. I'm a wife. Sometimes I'm not very good at that either. And under everything, I'm just a girl. I want to be liked, appreciated, accepted for who I am warts and all. (and yes, I do have warts)
At times I feel so awkward. And weird (my husband will tell you I'm definitely weird). But, I feel compelled to carry on.
To push myself through this strange phase of exposing who I am and what I'm doing to the rest of the world.
To find within myself the seeds of acceptance. And to grow that small seed into a vibrant living confidence that can withstand outside forces.
Honestly, I'm not all that sure how the two things, blogging and my lack of confidence are connected. Except that, through one- I am learning about the other.
Blogging, well, not really blogging, but caring about who's reading my blogging, has forced me to confront my fears about rejection, and the insecurities I've been harboring since I was a young teenager. I do a pretty good job at hiding my fears, on the outside I appear pretty sure of myself. What I'd really like to do, is to make what I appear to be, what I really am.
So, I'd love for you to follow me, to say, with the click of a mouse, "you're okay, you're worth something." But, please don't mind if I spend some time figuring out how to say that to myself.

The Candy Cane Pillow

I decided that my little ruffle pillow needed a friend. I like my pillows to have buddies! So I have been sitting on this idea for a while, and decided I needed to put it to the test last night. I started at about 9 pm and finished up after 11. Not too terribly long, but longer than I wanted to be up!

The stripes are made with the same fabric I used for the fan ruffles on the other pillow. It's from Ikea. I was going to do a whole picture tutorial, but after I got going I realized I was doing it much different than I would if I ever had to make one again so I stopped taking pictures. I do have a couple relevant photos from the "making of" portion and some directions and tips if you want to make your own.

Originally I was going to make an 18" pillow. I didn't make my strips long enough and ended up with a 16" pillow. I think it works better with my other pillow since it's so small, so it was a happy accident.
To make your pillow you will need a base fabric and an accent fabric. I really like the shiny, sheer effect of this pillow, but I think it would also be cute (and much easier) with a cotton for the accent. Decide what size pillow you are going to make and measure the length of the diagonal of that shape. (I know there is a mathematical way to figure out the hypotenuse of the triangle- Gwen- any suggestions?) but I just measured it out. (actually, I didn't measure it out, I just guessed and that's why my pillow had to be 2" smaller) Take that length and add 2 inches, this will give you plenty of breathing room. Cut 3 strips of base fabric 4" wide by the length you measured, and 4 strips 5" wide by the length you measured. Then cut 3 strips of your accent fabric 4" wide by two times the length you measured. Run gathering stitches along both sides of each accent strip.

Finally- a relevant picture! Take your accent strip and fold it in half, pinch to make a crease. Do the same thing with your 4" wide base fabric. Match up the creases and pin with right sides facing up on both pieces.
Gather up the sides of the accent fabric and pin along the base fabric. It will look like this. (a note, the center strip is the only one that needs to be gathered the entire length of the base strip, the outer edges will be cut significantly and really only need to be gathered in the center, so don't spend all day gathering pieces that will get cut off. Use a ruler or template of the finished pillow to determine how long your gathered pieces need to be on the sides.)

Once your first *center* strip is gathered, take one of the 5" wide base pieces and put it on top of the gathered piece, right sides together. Sew using a 1/2" seam allowance. Fold the base fabric back and top stitch down the seam allowance on the top. Repeat with the other side of the center strip. Then repeat the process for the two side strips. Your finished piece should be base, accent strip, base, accent strip, base, accent strip, base. Cut out the pillow front from this finished piece, centering the corners on a diagonal from the center accent strip. I found it easiest to cut out a template of the pillow front and use that to cut out the pillow. When cutting the corners of the center strip, you will want to pin down the gathers, since you will be cutting off the stitching that holds them in place. Alternatively, you could put the back of the pillow on the piece of fabric, sew around leaving an opening for turning and then trim out the excess fabric- this will save worrying about the gathers getting loose. Stuff the pillow, close as desired and you're done. I made a lot of mistakes, but I really like it and my kids adore it. It was my 7 year old son who named it the candy cane pillow! Now I can get it out of my head and just leave it on the couch ;)!

Nativities and a winner

The winner of the Give Away is #5 Martha anne! Congratulations! I have sent your information on to Katie, and she will be in touch with you shortly!

I have become an inadvertent collector of nativities. It started innocently enough with a collection I had on purpose- Precious Moments. My parents gave me the Precious Moments Nativity before I was even married! I love the innocence of their faces. I have the wise men too, but right now I don't have any room to display them.
For a long time that was the only nativity I had, but Slowly I found myself being drawn to other representations of the Holy Family. This one I found at a craft store. I love the lines of this piece, and the simplicity of the figure.

This was my second Nativity. I found it on clearance at a Mikasa outlet when I lived in California. I really love how Mary is completely enamored with the baby Jesus.
I recieved this one for Christmas from my parents a couple years ago. Again, the figures are simple and clean, but the power of the message speaks volumes to me- so graceful!

This set is a hand-me down from my mom. She moved into a much smaller home and simply didn't have the room to display all the decorations she had. I was delighted to add another nativity to my now legitimate collection! This one is on the small end table because my almost two year old has long arms and curosity to spare- and these figures are plastic. I'm hoping they'll hold up.

I also have the fisher price nativity for the kids in the family room. My littlest one loves to carry around the baby Jesus. I'm hoping we don't lose him this year!

I'm glad Char over at Crap I've Made decided to host a nativity linky party- this has been fun to document these special treasures of mine!