Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Juggler {A Mom-day Post}

Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I just had to throw in a Halloween shot because they're awesome!
I have been wanting to write this post for a while, but I'm not sure how to do it without sounding holier-than-thou, or condescending or judgmental.  So as you read, please keep in mind that I am sharing my opinion and life decisions only- and not making a commentary on the decisions anyone else is making in their own lives. :)
I have always known that I wanted to be a mother.  I wanted to stay at home and raise children and take care of my house and bake cookies and be happy.  And I wanted to be a doctor.  And get my M.D. PhD. and study diseases at the CDC.  And be a geneticist.  And maybe teach school too.
When it came time to take the MCAT (the entrance exam for medical school) I sat in the big auditorium looking at all the people around me and their intensity.  They wanted this so badly, most of them.  In fact, when the guy a couple seats down from me dropped his pencil mid test- he would have been dead many times over if looks could kill.  It was in that moment that I realized I didn't want it as badly as most of them- my heart was really someplace else- it was in my future home with my as yet unborn children.
Fast forward a few years.  I met my husband, we got married, moved into a home and decided to have children.  It was scary.  I quit my job only to take it back again a year later when money was tight.  I worked 20-30 hours a week between the hours of 4 pm and 2 a.m.   With now 2 children who would wake up at 6 a.m. it was hard.  I wasn't a very good mother but we thought we needed the money.  I quit my job.
Move ahead a few more years.  A couple of moves and two more children and we find ourselves in our current house.  Inaccurate estimates on our mortgage left us tighter than we thought we'd be in this house, add to that a recession and a husband who works for a GM dealership and you find things are pretty tight financially.  Going back to work is the obvious choice.  I have a degree and technical skills that would provide a pretty decent income.  It would not be easy, but it would sure help in the money department.
I fight to hang on to the lessons I learned all those years ago, to remember where my heart really is.
Someone once told me that I was lucky to be a stay at home mother.  And I am.  But it's not because my husband makes so much money that I am able to be here.  We are fighting tooth and nail to keep me here.  We give up a lot of things to make it possible for me to remain the full time mother.  I work harder now than I have ever worked at any other point in my life.  I am the full time mom, plus I make things to sell to supplement our family income, and I have this blog, which keeps me sane and gives me a place to escape, if only for a moment, the incredible pressure of life.
I read this article yesterday and it resounded with me so strongly.  The work ball will bounce (in this case the blogging/crafty making and selling) but the family ball, especially while my children are still so young and needy, must be guarded at all costs.  I am striving mightily to keep all of them in the air, but there are times I admit to needing to let something go, if only for a moment.  And lately that has been my blog.
So, this is not a goodbye, but a hello again!  Now that my boutique is over and the pressure is off in the major production category, I look forward to creating just for fun.  To inspire and be inspired and share in the love and fun that is the online craft blogging community.  So I hope you'll be patient just a bit longer as I stretch my creative legs and start ramping up the projects- I'm ready to play.  But I also hope you'll understand if I (or any other mother who also blogs) fails to put posting any higher on the priority list.  I love you all and you hold such a special place in my life and my heart.  But I have a big responsibility, one only I can do, and I am striving to keep it first.
XOXO,
Amy

9 comments:

Amy C said...

I always enjoy reading your Mom-day posts. You really have a way with words, and you are not alone. I stay home too, and sometimes I think I should go to work, just to have that little extra cash, but in the end, I don't think it would be worth it. :) Thanks for sharing this.
Amy @ The Happy Scraps

Lorene (just Lu) said...

Amy, I applaud your diligence and awesomeness! We are in a similar spot right now -- money is tight, especially if we're looking to buy a home. But, like you said, there is one job that only I can do, and that mom-job is way more important than having stuff... I appreciate your honesty and sincerity and example!

chris said...

I just wanted to add my own little "hang in there". We're in a very similar situation, and there aren't easy answers. Follow your heart and what the Spirit whispers to you. Everything else will fall into place.

Michele Pacey said...

I find it a challenge to balance the mothering, the wifing, the cleaning, the garden, the creating and the blogging just like you Amy. It's bloody hard keeping all those balls up there! But, you know what, it sounds like you've got your priorities straight. Like Chris said, be true to YOU and everything else will work itself out.

grammy deed said...

You have the rest of your life to work-the kids will grow up and be out of the house in a heart beat and you will wonder where the time went so enjoy being a stay at home Mom and money will be tight but who cares as long as everyone is healthy and happy.

Gwen @ Gwenny Penny said...

So glad you're back and "mom-day" is back :) You know you're doing the right thing, and you will continue to find ways to make it work. Life gets crazy, especially this time of year. Add to that the stress of the boutique... it's no wonder you're thinking about your priorities. Your kids are lucky to have you. They don't care and possibly don't even notice that they have to go without some things, and that's because they have a loving family that makes life fun. That's all they need.

And I love grammy deed's comment :)

Karen said...

Amen. And Yay! You can play again!!! I'm excited to have my sister back. Love you, and I am so proud of you.

Tonia @ TheGunnySack.com said...

Well, welcome back :) You are so right...it is very hard to find a balance but family has to come first!

Naturally Carol said...

Hi Amy..I know that you believe the way I do spiritually so just want to encourage you to keep listening and praying and He will provide..but also not to close the doors on a little bit of part time work if that is the door He opens. I am sure you are probably better than I am at these things but just wanted to encourage you at this time.

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