I still have not been in a pool. I think once I get my first swim under my belt I'll feel a whole lot better about everything. It's the unknown that makes me worry.
Just like the bike. Until I had my first ride, I didn't know how well I would do. And after the first mile, I almost called off the whole thing. The first mile is all up hill. All. of. it. By the time I got to the top my thighs were burning, my throat was screaming and I was nearly in tears. If I couldn't make the first mile, how on earth would I do 12? Luckily the next mile is all down hill, and the rest of my ride was fairly level (except for the mile uphill on the way back.) I clocked my first ride- 6 miles. Not bad. Still, it took me an hour to do it. And looking on the site for the triathlon, it says the slowest average time for the 12 mile ride is 55 minutes. Uh, I think I still have some work to do.
So tonight I went on another ride. I wanted to go 9 miles. It started off much better than the first ride. I go 4.5 miles from my house, turn around and come back. When I got to the turn around point, the sun started to dip behind the mountain. I didn't know how quickly it would get dark. I started to panic. I pushed pretty hard. I didn't want to be stuck in the dark. And I started thinking about my timing. About how I needed to step it up for the triathlon. How I wasn't sure that in 4 weeks I could double my time. How I really want to do well. Pushing, pedaling..... Then the thought came to my mind.
"Don't let fear dictate your ride."
And I slowed down. The pedaling and the thoughts.
It was a beautiful night. And I was missing it. Rushing past and through it because of some perceived expectations.
I wish I could show you the sunset. The beautiful backyard gardens. The hawk sitting on the fencepost.
I wish I could share with you the peace that came from riding my own ride. At my own pace. On my own path.
Not worrying about the time, or the distance or the expectations.
Thinking that often I let fear dictate my decisions. Fear of what others think. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of failing.
Thinking about how many things I miss because of that fear. And realizing that if I would allow my instincts to determine my path, instead of that fear- I might find a life even more beautiful than I could imagine-
right in front of me.