Sunday, January 23, 2011

Monday is "Mom"-day 2

Sunday, January 23, 2011



First off- my unsolicited product review: Moon dough is MESSY!! Yes, it never dries out. Yes it has a fancy barn that molds little animals if you do it right. Yes it was exciting. And YES it was ALL OVER my floor. Luckily it was pretty easy to clean up (with the vacuum) but not really something I'm super excited to get out again- (but it might not be too bad next time- most of it is in the vacuum!)
Now, on to the real post.
Sometimes when you are talking to someone, or sending an e-mail, you discover a kernel of truth in something you just said.
I was e-mailing a blog friend the other day and told her, "I'm trying to forgive myself for not being the mother that I thought I would be."
I have thought about that over and over in the past week.
I did a lot of babysitting in my time. I took psychology in school. I had a mother. I thought that was probably enough to prepare me for motherhood. No one told me that I should probably get a degree in child rearing because my biology degree would do zero for my parenting skills!
I always wanted to be a mother. I didn't bother applying for Med School because after taking the MCAT and seeing how intense all these other people were, I realized that I really did just want to be a mom and I should let someone who had a much greater passion than I did take my "seat". (assuming I even got in- lol)
I knew I would be a mother, I hoped I could be a mother, and then.... I became a mother.
Woah!
This was not exactly what I signed up for. I was not prepared for this. And ever since I had my first baby over 9 years ago- I have been at war with myself.
I get frustrated that it's not easy, like I thought it would be. I get discouraged that some days I don't even like it very much (I should qualify this a little by saying that it's mostly the "home" part of the stay-at-home mom gig that I'm not always loving- housework and me are NOT BFFs!). I feel like a failure because so many others seem to accomplish so much when I do so very little.
Sometimes I get so frustrated- I even say these things out loud.
And then, something happens. Instead of judgement and scorn- I get nods of agreement. Instead of shock and horror- smiles and maybe even a few tears. Instead of put-downs - sweet, kind and gentle women reach down and lift me up. Sometimes they just put me on my feet- and other times, they carry me on their shoulders a little while, until I'm ready to stand.
And at that moment I realize that I am not alone. And that even if maybe I'm not the supermom I thought I would be- crafting with my children and singing and always smiling and fresh cookies after school and vacations and swimming and on and on. Even if I'm not really even very close to the image of the mother I thought I would be- maybe the mother I am is enough.
And as that realization hits right between the eyes, I realize that by myself I will never measure up to the ideal mother I thought I would one day be, but if I take God's hand and let Him lead me, and with a few encouraging pats on my behind by dear friends and family- together- God and me and the women who surround me- all of us together will be the mother I always thought I would be-and that will be more than enough.

9 comments:

Amy @ Increasingly Domestic said...

DUDE. I struggle with the very same things as a mother. I am not perfect and my house is usually a mess and I yell sometimes(okay more than that), but I am doing the best that I can.

It is so important that we as women come around each other and support one another instead of pretending that we are perfect so others feel bad about themselves.

I have really enjoyed getting to know you through out blogs and thing that you are pretty rad.

Christina A-BEAR said...

Sigh, sounds like my mind to the "T".
Motherhood is not perfect. I'm not perfect, and I dont suppose any of the molly mommies with their perfect blogs are either. We all deal with the craziness, we are all striving to give the little we have to making our families and ourselves happy.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Its always great to hear that I am not the only one. That we are all (as women) dealing with the same battles daily.
But knowing you can rely on our Heavenly Father, and have him lead the way is most reassuring.
I'm loving being your new bloggy friend.
-Christina
http://accomplishingmotherhood.blogspot.com

Kathleen said...

Amy, I loved your post today. My kids are 21, 24, and 27 but you are never done being a mom. You do the best you can and then pray a lot! :) God's mercies are new every morning. I am glad I can trust that He loves my kids far more than I ever could and HE is faithful.

Swensgirl said...

That WAY sounds like how I feel! Honestly I hate laundry and dishes, i always have. But for some reason, it never occurred to me the massive amount of these things being a mom required. Plus I get pretty grumpy if I dont get enough sleep and its been years sense I have :-) I think that I am WAY harder on my self about my shortcomings than anyone else. We as moms have these high expectations of our selves, when out kids could care less if theres laundry piled in the hall (its a good trampoline) or theres crumbs on the floor. They care that we play with them and give them self worth, showing them that they are more important than chores. I have decided (but still need to remind myself often) that my kids are only little for such a short time that i'll have a clean and perfect house daily when they are older, and just to enjoy them now.

Brande J. said...

Amy, I loved your little post about motherhood. I think there are more of us with these issues than we think we do. I just made a post similar to this last week you should read. :)

http://thejubergoobercrew.blogspot.com/2011/01/lets-make-it-real.html

I think you are doing a great job. We aren't perfect, we can only do our best...and your best IS good enough.
XOXO

Gwen @ Gwenny Penny said...

I read this post last night & I've been thinking about it ever since. I love what you said... "I'm trying to forgive myself for not being the mother that I thought I would be." I'm in the same boat. I know I have shortcomings as a mother, and there are things I'd like to change and that I need to work on, but all I can do is try to be better, improve where I know I can, and hope that it's what is best for my daughters.

Amy C said...

Wow! After reading that, I feel like I totally could have written it. :) Thank you for sharing.

Rachel said...

I just discovered your blog today, but boy do I identify with this post. Being a mom is hard, and as much as we hate to admit it, it isn't always easy or fun. Thank you for sharing.

Beth said...

Oh my goodness! Can I just say thank you for this post? I found your blog through a How Does She post and came to see one of your heart pillow tutorials and I usually just skim through and check out the crafts when I happen upon a blog I haven't seen before. But, this post caught my attention, and I am now sitting here crying my eyes out at my computer! You just summed up pretty much exactly the way I feel! And my husband recently made a career change and is working and doing school online both full time so I've felt really down in the dumps as a mom a lot lately! Thank you for helping me remember that it's okay that I can't do it all - as long as my kids are taken care of and know I love them.
Thank you thank you thank you!

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