I have something to confess. This blog thing is very difficult for me. In some ways it feels like a popularity contest, like trying to wrest a spot in the "cool" group. I was never very good at that sort of thing. I'm not gorgeous, thin, hilarious, witty or fashionable. I'm simply me.
I'm a mom. I think the boy in this picture is one of the most handsome boys on this planet. I'm a sister. Sometimes I'm not very good at it. I'm a wife. Sometimes I'm not very good at that either. And under everything, I'm just a girl. I want to be liked, appreciated, accepted for who I am warts and all. (and yes, I do have warts)
At times I feel so awkward. And weird (my husband will tell you I'm definitely weird). But, I feel compelled to carry on.
To push myself through this strange phase of exposing who I am and what I'm doing to the rest of the world.
To find within myself the seeds of acceptance. And to grow that small seed into a vibrant living confidence that can withstand outside forces.
Honestly, I'm not all that sure how the two things, blogging and my lack of confidence are connected. Except that, through one- I am learning about the other.
Blogging, well, not really blogging, but caring about who's reading my blogging, has forced me to confront my fears about rejection, and the insecurities I've been harboring since I was a young teenager. I do a pretty good job at hiding my fears, on the outside I appear pretty sure of myself. What I'd really like to do, is to make what I appear to be, what I really am.
So, I'd love for you to follow me, to say, with the click of a mouse, "you're okay, you're worth something." But, please don't mind if I spend some time figuring out how to say that to myself.